Monsters and Contemplation

I go through all this, before you wake up; so I can be happier, To feel safe up here with you... It's scary being on this mountain, so close to the edge. Though this beautiful view is so astonishing, I think it's naive for us to be so close to the edge... Nothing that I seem to try makes me feel any closer, any better, fitter or happier. But just seeing his face, brightens that misery.
And although I do all this, before you wake up, I don't feel happier, to be safe up here with you. Well I just don't know what to do anymore... God this fire feels wild, and it thrills me... Until we run out of what you crave most; then I seem to crawl back inside my head.

Because it's in those moments where I realise how little difference my company makes to your day. What ever can I do up here? Whatever can I say to make you come back from being up in that cloud? When change braces reality, you cry and run back inside... Yet I'm still left up here to contemplate the way in which we start our day.

Is it all just too much to face? To bear? We look out over this crashing seashore, and throw these little things off, like car parts, bottles and cutlery; or whatever I find lying around. Though I trust you, I get the feeling that when you get bored you'll simply throw me off too... So I go through all this, before you wake up, so I can feel happier, to feel safe up here with you...

Though I don't feel safe, when my feet are back on this ground, I feel it slipping and sliding under me, like I was destined to live up there forever. What if I forget how to come back down?
Have you forgotten? To breathe in the space that has been given to you? Have you forgotten what your heart sounds like beating at normal pace and rhythm?
What can I do to bring us down, to look for other little things, like sea shells and sweet nothings.

To find a simple solitairy joy in claiming innocence and ignorance to the darker things out here, those shadows that stalk our steps at night, and make us do things till morning light. Are they all good or all bad? How do we get to know those tricky elements of ourselves that only rear their ugly heads when we are stressed... With you there's no stress, only in the moments after you.

With your cryptic words and gestures, a simple fact that actions mean either nothing or something, that what I see and what is real could be so far away and apart, like my feet and my mind, one on the ground and the other in the sky... What I would give to take on that challenge with you, what I would give to throw this world upside down and refurnish the interiors, day by day growing and cultivating this garden,
Like a secret recipe for strength and colour,
Like an energy source as abundant as the sun, our own collective of warmth and life. It's an energy this, and although I see much in black and white this contains too much grey for me to pull apart. Could we be pulled apart? If what I found was unhappiness? Or would we stay and try to change the oil and bang around under the hood.
We don't know how to fix cars but I wouldn't mind trying with you.

I would try it with you.

Take my hand and take me there,
Take me anywhere but here,
Cuz there are scary things under my bed,
And a monster that lives inside my head.
He only comes out when I'm alone,
And tells me I have to stay at home...