well what can I say? I have neglected this page whilst things have been unfolding; and so I haven't trusted my emotions which seem to change as quick as the tide. I thought it best to not immortalise my hatred for certain life choices, and would come to this place, when I thought I needed it most. And this is one of those times.
There is no creativity in me anymore. Work seems to be sucking all of my creative energy at the moment, and I'm constantly being frustrated by the conditions in which I have to create. It's hard, being in a loud, noisy, bright and unchilled environment, which crappy MTV blaring at me all day; to create a master piece, let alone get the idea for one to do later. The constant getting up, getting this, cleaning this, going here and there and that and when and how and who and ITS DIFFICULT FOR ME OKAY? *pants heavily*
I will adjust. I'm just not used to it...
There is light and hope at the end of this long, dark tunnel. After all, this is my dream, and you need to start low to rise up high. I'll work my butt off at that place if I have too, because I know that I'll get the benefit of being schooled and taught by a man who really knows his stuff.
The dust my friends, will settle. And I will be born again, as a new, improved version of myself. And in 5 years time when I look up to the heavens and say I FUCKING DID IT! I'll know that it was because of certain people helping me along the way.
Im beginning to understand the importance of happiness through association. Change group of friends and life changes too. This new walk of life seems to be the damage control sector, where I'm safe, nurtured, not making stupid mistakes and still having a great time. It's not always about partying hard and fucking myself up... This is about the bigger picture. And I'm glad that I found out how to zoom back out and get SUCH a better perspective on my future.
So thankyou, my sun and stars... It's you that lights up my days, my nights, my bed and heart.
Without your help, love and support, all of this would be in flames.
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