"Oh my gosh! The music just turns me on!"
The past days have been spent sitting beside my best friend of technology, pencil or pen in hand, creating piece after piece for my port folio. Listening to much earlier, experimental sounds; from dj's and artists in 1990's era. Alot of early Underworld, The Orb, the Grid, balancing that with awesome guitar works of zeppelin, the cure, Dire Straits, Joni Mitchell... Its been truly inspiring.
Well... What can I say of the days passed?> Life dreams are just withing my grasp; it's so close to the taking.. .And for the first time in what seems my whole life- I am working hard... Like really pushing myself for what I want. It's insane, I never realised I had a sense of drive like this.
So other than being suprised at myself, I have been slowly working myself back into the everyday norm of staying at home ... Always around the house, saving, saving, saving the pittance I make for a living so I can afford to cloth myself and no overstrain the boyfriend who has more emotional crap on his back than an emotional crap beetle...
But apparently boys don't cry. [insert catchy guitar riff here and enjoy with me]
So ask yourselves.. Am I being a better person by hanging inside like a shut in who burns easily? Or should I be out there spending my freedom partying like I used too?
A.K.A Im establishing my personal independence but in the same token, I don't want this much responsibility for myself... I'm looking at a hard road ahead of me, but I'm not backing down at all on this... I don't have any other choice but to try.
Why is it that I can't simply settle for settling? I feel barred, weighed down with no way of shedding the weight. Shed the weight-- loose everything I have been working so hard for...
Failure in a frightening thought. I cannot fail or I would have sacrificed so much to have gained so little. Slap Slap! Don't let myself doubt.
So yes my friends. This is why you don't see me smoking on street corners or stomping at bar open or sitting on a brick wall with stoners, ravers, rockers and drunks... Oh and hippies anymore... Because I got myself something that's worth sacrificing every spare second of every day for. And that is an exciting thought for me.
It makes me smile to see that there are still good and true feelings out there, and that I'm capable of feeling them. I'm glad I'm not all void of hope for me and my future, like so many people these days seem to have. I am not a lost cause.
Spread peace and mean it!
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:)
ReplyDeletedo you at least know how to cook for yourself.
I like to call my meals, 'experiments'.
Sometimes, I also eat them after I cook them.