confusing. Not sure about anything anymore really... Dont want. Do want. Think want? Not want.
Life blows inward, outward, everward. Cool green grass tips my toes as I walk bear foot across the oval. Patch of sun, sit down with a thud. Pull black skirt up past the knee, revealing bruised, scratched shins.
Drink it up.
Whip out ipod. Plugs in, phasers set to rock playlist uno. Pen out, book open. Black Emotive Scribble. Tired.
Sighing doesn't feel like sighing anymore, and there's this tight, uneasiness growing in my chest. Lungs burn, throat hurts. Leaping about the pace moving several miles per hour too fast for my legs, I think I lost them several days ago. Smoking bongs till my neck wants to fall off
Why do i want to run so bad, when everything but my heart tells me to stay? It's chaos inside here, plates smashing on heads, feeble strangle attempts. Lost and old regrets...
Give me a strength that I never had before, my old one isn't working anymore and I need another fix of affection... Wont some body need me? Don't all girls get this eager to please?
I guess I just like feeling good. When that adrenaline pumps through your veins and your hearts thudding in your chest because you know how wrong what you want is, when their skin touches yours, when you realise that this could be your moment to just scream... And when you grab ahold and take them, that explosion of joy that fires through your belly down into your toes and your legs start to shake because you want them so bad its making you feel physical pain???
I live for that feeling.
I like feeling like a porn star.
I just want to fuck off all that I knew, and pick it up with someone else who i know isn't going to latch on at the first sign of emotional hope. I want a friend, a companion that appreciates me enough as a friend to warrant the favour of a mindless fuck... You're friends, so its not empty; but because its lusty, its passionate and hard and god damn amazing.
Does that make me satan spawn?
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