When I look out at my life, everything looks in place; it's all there, everything is normal... But there is this taste in my mouth, telling me that it's not. Something isn't right, something doesn't fit in properly... and although I have my ideas as to what that might be, the fact that I don't know for sure until I remove it, or keep it all the same is terrifying. I would say I hate my pessimism is suffocating me; but I really don't like optimists.
Positive people shit me... They come in all shapes and sizes but the majority that shit me are the happy smiles, suzy homemaker, virgin christian types who only think the world is such a magical place because their churches superglued 3D glasses to their heads and their parents make enough money to shelter them from the horrors they see everyday on T.V.
They think they know how horrible the world is without experiencing it for themselves, they think the knowledge they have from other sources on 'whats wrong with life' is enough but really it's not...
They put $10 a week into a collection plate that goes to starving and misfortunate children in Nigeria and think they're a better person for it; but the truth is, until they walk out onto the street and see the pain and gloom around them that is this city, until they actually go out there to have a decent grope at the loins of our civilisation and realise that in doing so they contracted several diseases, until they actually delve into the depressive muck in this world= optimistic people like that aren't happy and full of joy and love, they're ignorant.
It is a blissful life, not knowing the truth... Maybe that's why people like that tend to except God. When big stupid rays of divine light are constantly radiating from your perfect repented soul, it's really hard to see behind the warm glowing glare on those awesome red-green frames.
But how can anyone change anything if they don't really know what they're changing? How can any of us, when all that we know is the information decided to be given to us, and the opinions or sides given to us... Everything we hear was chosen to be heard by a particular person, for a particular reason. Everything we see is just the same. How does the everyday man really see the truth for what it is unless they look at it with their own eyes? I'm so sick of mothers watching their 60 minutes on 'How video games made my son a criminal' and all of a sudden you have a parental lock on your foxtel for anything over PG and all your gore filled, machine gun firing games have dissapeared with not a nailboard weilding super mutant to be seen... It's all driven by fear these days...
I don't really know where I'm going with this, I suppose this is all based on me taking my mind off some inevitable truth that I'm too chicken to deal with yet... I suppose that's why I'm hating on hopefulls and optimistics: I can't be an optimistic person when the only crayons I have left are grey and darker grey.
I know it's ultimately better to look at things from the happier, positive perspective; but everytime I do I get the insane feeling that I'm lying to myself...
When someone fills your boost juice cup only 3/4 full, you think:
"That dickwad is stooging me out of $1.50 worth of my mango mantra!"
You never think "Wow, I have all that juice to drink".
You enjoy the drink and you are happy that you got it, you should be happy, you bought it. But when you pay your money for a product, you expect to get the whole product; and it's the same in life. No matter how good it tastes when you get the end product, you're secretly saying to yourself: 'It's good and I feel content but I got ripped off '
You pay the costs of living in a world surrounded by death, destruction, violence and crime; yet noone ever does anything about it. Where is the optimistic out look on that view?"I'm surviving and noone punched me in the face today, but I got ripped off when I was sold the 'white mans dream'"
Where is the optimistic action around the real issues we need to deal with in our society? When some irate man throws his two pitbulls over a womans fence to attack and kill her dog whilst the man throws bricks over his fence into her yard in an attempt to hit her for no reason what-so-ever... What way other than taking forceful action do we have?
Talking nicely at people, avoiding the situation, turning the other cheek... I would much rather take the following action-
*get some evidence,
*call the cops on the asshole and
*have his two dogs killed. That gets you piece of mind, and you've done justice to the world you live in. Now there is no psycho in your street attacking you and your neighbours with crazy tormented dogs. Thats not the kind of thing you would normally hear about on the news everyday... Which brings me to a conclusion.
Taking action and solving problems has nothing to do with a mindset.
The way in which you approach the problem might, but ultimately we can see in our everyday suburban lives that sometimes in order to stop the problem- you have to punch it in the face. It doesn't matter if your pessimistically punching him in the face or optimistically doing so (if thats even possible). People who get things done aren't afraid to get their hands dirty.
So I say to you Oh Goody-two-shoes church goer: On friday night instead of going to youth or sitting at home studying, walk out into northbridge; find a fight and try to optimistically talk that guy out of bottling that other guy for staring at his drunk girlfriend. Or try to optimistically help that prostitute so she can stop pawning her dead mother's jewellry and selling herself the fuel her crack addiction...
At the end of the day- putting a 'nice nanna spin' on your words won't really change much... In saying that, not alot of whiny, despressive losers don't really change much either... Rather,
The people that put their own personal views on life aside to change that world, that is the kind of people we need making the changes... Those who fight instead of flight. Those who aren't afraid to see the truth with their own eyes and make an educated decision for themselves are the people that change things...
I haven't really had the opportunity to try this new outlook on the world around me, but perhaps that thing that I have been avoiding through writing this will be somewhat easier to think through now that I can have a new perspective.
See? Things are accomplished from innocent rambles!!
Ciao.
** I would also like to take a quick moment to say that I am not anti religious, nor anti christian. Infact I believe in the christian established God. I do not however care for his fan club, and believe that although some actions we take as an influencial society is good, however our constant baggering of non believers is NOT the way to go about creating empowerment through faith. Hard core christians never really seem to have the most realistic outlook on their lives or the lives of others, and so I dissociate from them. This blog is not taking a stab at Jesus, God or the holy trinity and what that trinity stands for... Just the other people who love him.
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